How to deal with your loved one with Crohns

by Kimberly
(Ohio)

My boyfriend of over two years has Crohns. I believe he's getting sicker and pushing me away. I haven't heard from him and he won't return my phone calls or texts. I'm just sick over this and I blame most of this on the prednisone right now because that steroid changes him.

I am wondering if this flare is so bad this time that he's doing this on purpose. I had told him I'm not giving up on him but I'm at a loss of how to approach him face to face. Please any advice from anyone?

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How to deal with your loved one NEW
by: Annette Young

Hi there,

I am sorry to read your post as I guess it is a very difficult time for you right now. When you love someone who is experiencing a lot of pain, it can be difficult to know just what to do to make the situation better for them.

I am sure that the pain and meds are probably behind his pushing you away. He may feel a sense of anger and frustration at the disease and probably feels like his health and his life are spiraling out of control. He might need to go back for different treatment if the meds that he is on now are not working. This disease impacts people very differently so often medication has to be changed.

There could be other reasons though. Some people have a kind of self-destruct button and they push people away even though deep down they don't really want the person to go. Sometimes it can be a way to test the person, at other times, its what is expected to occur. Old behavioural patterns.

I come from a counseling background so I know that this can happen.

All I can say is, if you care about him, don't give up. I am sure his life is much better as a result of your being in it, and you might have to convince him that your feelings are stronger than the Crohn's.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

Annette
loving someone with Crohn's is hard
by: Kim IL

I was diagnosed at 19. My husband (my boyfriend at the time) was there for me in all ways. We were young and I was so depressed. In pain all the time. Cant eat. Cant be intimate. Cant laugh. Cant have kids. Cant plan a future. I tried so hard to push him away. How can I expect him to live like this? I agree that steroids have a lot to do with our moods. I had surgery almost a year and a half later. 10 inches removed. I was lucky and had over 10 years of almost no symptoms. Recently, its come back. I was taking the prednisone again, and I can say that it was awful. That is some toxic stuff. My advice, keep trying until you can't anymore. He might just need some different meds or a surgery. He may not. There is no way of knowing but at least you will both know you didn't just give up so easily. Good luck to you both!
loving someone with Crohn's is hard
by: Kim IL

I was diagnosed at 19. My husband (my boyfriend at the time) was there for me in all ways. We were young and I was so depressed. In pain all the time. Cant eat. Cant be intimate. Cant laugh. Cant have kids. Cant plan a future. I tried so hard to push him away. How can I expect him to live like this? I agree that steroids have a lot to do with our moods. I had surgery almost a year and a half later. 10 inches removed. I was lucky and had over 10 years of almost no symptoms. Recently, its come back. I was taking the prednisone again, and I can say that it was awful. That is some toxic stuff. My advice, keep trying until you can't anymore. He might just need some different meds or a surgery. He may not. There is no way of knowing but at least you will both know you didn't just give up so easily. Good luck to you both!
I myself has crohn's
by: Danielle

I've been living with crohn's disease all my life ever since i was a little girl at the age of 6 doctor's tryed and tryed but didn't know and failed really didnt know what it was after 4years later. They said it was crohn's disease my parents was in pain the little girl they brought into this world has crohn's disease. Its been very painful disease all the meds that i am on works but i still have lots of problems going to the restroom i can't stand that at all. I've also been on this treatment called humria which really helps alot.

Now this is for miss kim stand by your man k he is going threw mood swings he will have he does care for u and also he is tired of pills that he takes all day long and he just needs time to hisself u be the good women that you are and keep him in your prays the lord upstairs has plans for all of us who has crohn's disease maybe he is depressed or maybe he needs to sit down with someone and see whats wrong with him and to make sure the mood swing that he has been having hasn't changef in month or so just be patient my dear he will come around i am also the same way with my boyfriend as well. u can find me on facebook type in danielle fox k
Thank you
by: Kim

Thank you for the advice. I read, research and even cook with different things that are supposed to help him in correlation with his medication treatments.

I'm at a loss. I know this man like the back of my hand and when he's on this steroid it's not him. Thats the best way I can describe it. I'm abolutely lost without him and the fact that he won't speak to me still is hard epecdially when I believe he is not feeling well and with the medication it alters his moods drastically. We went through this back in January but he has never walked out on me.

There's nothing I can do to make him believe no matter how sick he ever feels or is I would never desert him nor do I want him to feel as though I would leave. I can't win with him right now so I've just stopped texting or trying to call. I knew what I was signing up for when I made a committment to love him. I just never imagined it to ever get this hard. Thank you though for all your kind words. I do appreciate it.

Kim
CD
by: Vanessa

Hmm I am 30 years old and I have Crohn Disease since I am 17. I know that taking prednisone can be very hard on us and on our mood but I do not think your BF does not want to speak with you because of that. Maybe it is because he is so sick and he feels so bad that he is frustrated with the whole world, it is totally normal. During his life, he will have ups and downs... Maybe you could tell him that you came and talk to us about it so he will know that you do not care and you are there for him. If you really love him just be patient... But taking prednisone and having Crohns is not a ready to make everyone back off, it is very important that he respects you.
Good luck and if you want to talk my Email is vanmtl1980@yahoo.ca
No to Prednisone steroids!!
by: Peter Bray

Dear all:

My adult daughter Cathy was on steroids for her Crohns years ago...it caused steroid psychosis and she ended up in psych wards repeatedly...watch out for that stuff...join all the Crohns support groups you can and find out what does and does NOT work for others!!!

I'll send you my free 9-columns on these issues, a Dad to a Crohns patient for 23 years...now with a looped, temporary ileostomy and on probiotics and aloe vera, we've tried all that other crap!

PetrBray@AOL.com
Benicia, CA, USA

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