Insecure about myself,worried about having sex with crohns

by Anonymous
(England)

Im a 21 year old guy and have had servere crohns for over a decade and have been really ill. Ive just had an op to remove 2 fistulas n am down to my last 300cm of small intestine,the rest is all gone. Touch wood my crohns for the last month is much better,im weaning on PN onto solid food. Im hoping Hickman line will be out in December.

Anyway now im out a lot more and am in clubs and pubs and am starting to live my life and meet girls,however im massively insecure about my body and even though i know its not the case,just cannot get past the idea of someone being accepting enough to accept me for who i am and have a relationship and sex with me.

Ive had my colostomy 11 years and no-one bar my immediate family knows. I have met a lovely girl but am afraid to take it any further with her due to the bag and the fact my body looks like Freddy Krugers done a number on me. Ive had horrendus leaks before and allways think that could happen during sex. I know plenty of people with stomas with wifes and gfs however they are in their 30s or older.

While i know not all girls are like this the majority i come across are all for one night stands and telling there mates everything. I also feel its harder being a guy rather than a girl,as its generally the guys who have to ask the girls out and not vice versa.

I know i have problems with self esteem and live in fear of riducle and nasty comments from people should they find out i have a bag.

I guess im asking if there are any guys/girls in there late teens early 20s who have felt like this and how you've dealt with it.

Thanks for reading

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i know how you feel :( NEW
by: Anonymous

hey i know what your going through im 20 and us females think exactly like you men lol its not easy for us i always thought it was easier for you men lol i have crohns i used to have a bag too and worried about everything you worry about i got it reversed 3 years ago but still in so much embarrassment now as i go to the toilet loads and sometimes can leak when im in a deep sleep so i still worry now :/ i always wished they would be a crohns dating site be much easier haha and not much embarrassment because we all would understand eachother but i guess when the right person comes along they will accept you for who you are and support you, hope everything goes well for you takecare :) xx
Thanks to all NEW
by: Anonymous

I get notifitcions everytime some1 posts so i am reading your posts and am gratful for taking the time to respond. I am a believer in true love,however in this day and age i think that my generation are more promiscous that previous generations and less accepting and quicker to poke fun. That may be an unfair assesment but its how i feel.

I was diagnosed when i was 10 and missed all my schooling and normal teenage life which diddn't help things. My social circle is small due to the fact im unable to work. I know i have confidence issues which im trying to overcome.

To end this on a postive note my crohns is under control for the first time in 11 years and im now eating and my hickman line is being removed on december 1st.

I am going to live my life and be myself and what happens,happens.Thanks for all your comment they are appreticed.

I don't have crohns but my fiance does NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm 18 and my fiance is 19. I do not have crohns but he does. He was diagnosed at 15. I met him 2yrs ago I knew he had crohns when we first started dating and when he told me I had no clue what it was. I went home and did a TON of research and I accept him for it. I know he can't control it and I'm by his side every step of the way. I can't see my future without him. It's hard knowing he has it and I could lose him at anytime or he could be hospitalized at anytime also but at the same time so could anyone else without the disease. You can't help that you have it and you're gonna keep hurting yourself if you don't accept it. You have people standing by yourside every step of the way. You'll find someone to love and that accepts you for you, just give it time. Nothing comes easy.
Crohns and being young NEW
by: Anonymous

Like one of the previous replies .I am not young but have a daughter in her thirty;s with Crohns disease.I really do feel for your worries.My suggestion is to make yourself the nicest type of person that you can be in life.If you are respectful and kind, fun etc in the way you treat girls they will love you regardless.If they choose not too they are dozens more who will love you for you. Actually I think you are more fortunate really as girls tend to be more understanding about personal and body things than boys . There are millions of girls out there who think they are too fat , their boobs or their bits are different when actually we are all different.If you make it your goal to make your girl happy and by this I mean treat her well, know what she likes psychologically and sexually you will be a wow. The sex bit well, its how you do it, what you do, what you say, what you are .You sound a lovely caring young person ,you may have some downers but you ll find a lovely undertanding girl.Go for it
Your not alone...
by: Anonymous

I'm a 29 yr. old female in Georgia, who has had Crohn's since I was 14. I never thought that one day I would end up with a ileostomy...but I did. By the age of 21 I was forced to face the fact that I needed an ileostomy, if I ever wanted a chance at a "normal" life. And of course sex was my biggest fear. It wasn't until I met my wife (and yes I'm a lesbian) that I realized what true love was. One day while making out, she notice that I would never allow her on the right side of my body. So, one day while at work she researched my condition and asked me if I had a stoma. Aside from being speachless and nervous, I was also afraid that my serect was out. But to my surprise she didn't...she said she loves me for me and that included everything about me. Needless to say, we got married a year later and have been together ever since...and the was 6 years ago...and she could have had anyone she wanted, but never the less, she choose me. So keep a positive out look on dating and sex, the person thats for you, will find you and never leave your side.
Thanks
by: Anonymous

Hey
Thanks to the people who replied to my post. I like to think im a logical guy and i do truly believe that true love exists,its just that i find it hard to believe that many young people can be mature enough to deal with this. I know many people with Crohns/colostomys in relationships but they are usually a lot older. The majority of my circle of friends are all about one night stands and short term relationships. Now im not suggesting someone set up a crohns dating website lol but like i say no-1 knows about my colostomy and its something i do not want publicly known,for fear of jibes,taunts etc. Thanks again for your comments much appreticed.
Insecure about myself,worried about having sex with crohns
by: Anonymous

I don't quite meet your criteria for feedback and input as I am female, old (very), with an ileostomy (18 years) and short bowel syndrome (6 ops). However, as strange as it may sound I do know where you are at.

I know that it sounds like a real cliché, but I can only reassure you that if someone loves you and wants to be with you then they will accept everything about you. My ileostomy has been the least of my worries in a relationship.

You also have to realise that most people (of all ages) cannot cope with illness and its consequences. Most people do back off through fear, stupidity or whatever. But, you have to approach it by realising that it is their problem and has nothing to do with you personally.

After being extremely ill for such a long time you are now aiming to "catch up" on everything that you have missed out on. I would be wary about trying to manoeuvre immediately into the fast lane. Be nice to yourself, take things slowly and concentrate on you rather than others.

At the risk of sounding even more like your mother, I would suggest that you concentrate on you and pursuing your hobbies and interests. These will make you naturally more interesting and give you more confidence. Write yourself a letter with all you plan to do in the next year or so. Set yourself a few personal, but fun goals - ride in a hot air balloon, climbing the wall at the local sports hall, learn to draw - whatever floats your boat.

Look at yourself in the mirror and think less "Freddy Krueger" and more "Bionic Man"! That should help in the first instance. A few sessions in the gym/cycling/swimming each week will also help you. The girls like fit boys. Just don't work the abs and discuss any fitness programme with your doctor first.

Ask the young lady you have met out to lunch (quick and cheap) and/or a walk in the park/a hot dog and a coffee at the weekend and play it by ear. Forget the colostomy and concentrate on finding out whether or not you have the similar outlook and interests, etc, to make a relationship worthwhile. Play it by ear. If she is not interested or interesting then there is nothing you can do.

I suggest that, with respect to the leaks, you contact all the manufacturers and ask to speak to their stoma nurse or appliance expert and explain your predicament. I also have the same problem, need a convex baseplate and have been helped by using the Coloplast Curagard rings. You have to find what is right for you. The manufacturers will send you free samples to try out (keep a diary as you try them all out). You need to have your stoma measurements to hand. http://www.living-with-a-stoma.co.uk/suppliers.html

Remember colostomy or no colostomy, everybody has the same problems when it comes to the fundamentals of life. My final word of wisdom would be to approach everything as a "challenge" rather than a "problem" - it does work.

I wish you all the best and a very successful first "no strings, no stress, fun" date.

Lydia D.
Trusting in God
by: Maria

I do not have Crohn's but I feel your pains and insecurities and I say to you today only God can help you in this situation. Have faith and ask God to grant you that miracle of healing. It is written and His word says "ASK and it shall be granted onto you." Be courageous and have faith. I will continue to keep you all in my prayers

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